I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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