To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
