im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
