you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize