i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
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