I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
