I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
