It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
he was CRYING into my vagina
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
