dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
