I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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