i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
