Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
