i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
