when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I feel like abortions should bother me more
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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