Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
