I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
