Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Randomize
