Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Randomize
