let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
i think i have two assholes
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
