If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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