Sponge bath it is.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
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