That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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