I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
