is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
