like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
