I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
