i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
