DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
