you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
