So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Congratulations! We have a period
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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