Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
