You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
