Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
