Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
