I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
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