the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
