Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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