I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
