Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
