I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
