So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
