I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Hippo gnu deer
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
