Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Randomize
