I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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