I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
