oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
