Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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