I could have mohawked her pubes.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize
