no one should ever give us hovercrafts
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
