you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
