Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
